WHY I HATE RELIGION

I believe in the Almighty Chad - the ancient of days, the Lord of Lords, the creator of the Heavens and all that is below it. It says so right here in the Holy Scribes, the book containing the words of Lord Chad as he dictated miraculously to Prophet Harold of Madagascar. The Prophet was both blind and death, and uneducated but was able to pen down these marvelous writings over 2000 years ago. The Holy scribes tells us of how Lord Chad created man from fine dust so small that no human eye can detect it (modern day scientists call these atoms and is a confirmation of the power and miracles of the Holy Scribe). The Holy Scribe also tells of how Lord Chad created every living thing as both male and female until a choice is made before birth. The book also contains the laws of Chad which include such nuggets as don't kill,don't steel and most importantly, don't shave - for hair is the gift of Lord Chad to his followers. We are also required not to eat chicken as it is an ungrateful beast, always cleaning its beak after eating.I am charged by Lord Chad to preach his message to the world and to teach them of His ways.
Now if anyone tells me I am crazy, they are infringing on my rights. But i need to tell them of Lord Chad. I also need to make them aware that shaving their pubis is one of the three deadly sins and Lord Chad will banish them to the underworld where they will suffer perpetual flogging and shaving with a broken piece of glass after they die.
If anyone asks me how i know these stuff, i will tell them i have faith. If they ask for proof or say they don't believe, i will say they have hardened their hearts to the voice of Lord Chad and are being unreasonable.
If anyone dares ridicule my beliefs or worse, insults the name of  Lord Chad, they will be guilty of blasphemy and by the dictates of the apostles of Lord Chad and his Holy Scribes, that person shall be put to death.
Finally, my beliefs will have to be enforced on everyone around me. Everyone must not shave. After-all, it is natural. Shaving is unnatural - which animal shaves? People who shave are a disgrace to humanity and should be treated with contempt.

This is religion in summary!

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