Beware the lure of the Dark side

I find, like most creatives, that some of my best ideas present during depressive episodes. I must mention that the best ideas generally come when one is removed from reality, a sort of sabbatical from the mundane. So ideas may come from chemically altered realities such as when one is on recreational drugs. Natural states or conditions may also present such altered reality states that allow the creative juices to flow. One of such natural states is depression.

I accidentally realized this when I first started writing poetry. I had read somewhere that writing is therapeutic and I was having difficulty navigating the world as a hormonal 12 year old. Discovering I could pen-down words that ebb and grow, moving the heart through eyes and ears; that was amazing enough. Then I discovered that these words of mine grew darker, more elegant, more visceral and daunting the more depressed I was. My therapy, the outlet of a cornucopia of my emotions, negative as they presented, revealed beautiful and moving art that spoke the truth about despair. Never had darkness been so beautiful.

And it wasn't just the darkness that was beautiful. In my attempt to write my way out of depression, more beauty ensued. Elements of hope and transformation, love and determination, elements which were otherwise lost in my depressive state, emerged in my writings. I even managed to find the humor in the hopelessness of it all.

As they tend to do, depressive states are not without end. Going back on my thoughts in those states and how out of worldly the art was, there is a tendency to see the art as a silver lining in  an onslaught of tornadoes. We never know whether our self will survive this psychological whirlwind but we are deceived into believing that the beauty it inadvertently produced is worth it. We are asked not to look a gift horse in the mouth but the people of Troy would beg to differ.

Far more than usual, I see a path towards embracing my depressive state as a means to create art, instead of working on bettering my mental health. This is a pattern that some creatives with mental health issues may also be facing. We become unwitting martyrs to the Muses, sacrificing our mental health for a chance to be worthy of her gifts.

Now I come to the writing table fully aware. Each time, I have to ask myself if I am chasing darkness or clawing my way out of it. It is a coin toss most days.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Short or Long

To us who wear our hearts on our sleeves Short or long  We expose our hearts to the elements every day With every hug, every handshake, every fist bump We risk breaking  a bit of our hearts off To us, heartbreak is not an event It is a daily possibility  To us who wear our hearts on our sleeves Short or long  Every touch, every kiss, every glance in our eyes We risk revealing too much as our quickened hearts match the beat of the ones we love In a world where prey is predator, where a house of solace can easily become a house of sorrow, our hearts remain exposed To us who wear our hearts on our sleeves Short or long These suits of pretense we use to hide our vulnerability do not cover the fear in our voice, the lowering of our gaze, the anxiety in our steps, or how deep the rage we can not express is when each passing moment, our hearts are broken by people who have no hearts to wear anymore. To us who wear our hearts on our sleeves Short or long Our broken hearts ar...
Read more

HOW HUMANISTS CAN HELP SHAPE THE FUTURE - A beginner’s guide from a beginner

  Margaret Mead, the American cultural anthropologist said of change; “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” Humanists are few. Humanism is young. The task of helping to shape the future through the lens of our values seems daunting. To borrow from the Christian Bible, “The Harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few”. At the front of the battle to shape society will be humanists and progressives and so we need to have humanists and progressives in every part of society; the change will be shaped by the people, by activists, and by public servants SHAPED BY PEOPLE As individuals, what will our role in this change be? We first have to realize that the change will only work if we create the space for it to thrive. It will start with us, humanists, acknowledging that humanism is not a default, neither are our values obvious to everyone. By admitting this, we will come to understand that ou...
Read more

My Father’s Sun

I consider myself to be an earthy person Tree hugging Gaea worshipping son of the sun My roots go deep and spread wide like hip hop culture I bear no fruits I carry no flowers My story is written on the stripes of my bark My essence brewed into bitters, putting hairs on the chest of men while coercing them to feed on my purpose Live to serve I die to serve no one My father is an asshole Like assholes come his father was an asshole too.  I am not my father’s son! My father stands for everything wrong with patriarchy. Everything he stood for he learnt from his father. I am not my father’s son! My father wishes his son will forgive him. My father’s father wished his son will understand his path was different. I am not my father’s son!  I may have come from his balls but my balls are bigger than his. I may have called him Papa or Dada growing up, but he certainly was never my father. I may have watched him hurt woman after woman, watched mother’s t...
Read more